if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
