well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
