When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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