i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
