My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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