so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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