I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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