Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
