WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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