dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
