I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
