I'm so fucking centered right now
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
