Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
