This dress was meant to end up on your floor
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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