Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
