im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
