So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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