well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
