Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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