When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize