After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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