and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
