Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
