sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
either way he was missing a nipple.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
