member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
