So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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