i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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