i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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