The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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