i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
