From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
