1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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