my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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