oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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