Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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