u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
