it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
