My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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