I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
