I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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