Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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