is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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