I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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