I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
