She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Pooping to opera.
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