Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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