Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
