And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize