Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
