Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
