i can't believe i had my finger in that
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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