all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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