Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
