Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
