Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
