I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
