he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
