Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
