i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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