sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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