So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
