You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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