I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
