There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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