I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
