people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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