I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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