it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Too much gin, very little bucket
zippers are such a cool invention
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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