I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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